You are pissed off, resentful and just flat-out angry. Your stomach acid bubbles with fury, your heart beats like a war drum. Hands tremble as the adrenalin reaction of fight or flight hits your system.
Anger can be the hardest emotion to deal with a sensible approach.
Though deal with it we must.
The repercussions of avoiding our anger can be significant including:
Damage or destroy a relationship.
Potentially inflaming a situation from inaction.
Contribute to stress related health issues.
The cause of our anger is left untouched or unresolved as we make a conscious decision to do nothing.
It is possible that we will eventually turn the story around to accept the situation, a form of denial.
Anger can be a pressure cooker ready to crack if not handled the right way.
It is common to internalise or mask anger as this emotion is treated as unreasonable, un-showable or even offensive. There is absolutely no benefit in denying your anger. Bottling up negative emotions as a short term defence mechanism will potentially compound and elevate your response.
Nobody wants to feel angry or worse - deal with an angry person.
Externalising angry thoughts in a non-productive way can potentially make a situation worse. If you vent your anger at the source of your hurt there may be a further increase of stress. Your objectivity is diminished when you are too emotionally entangled in the situation; you may not think clearly or react appropriately. This could lead to denying any personal responsibility or submitting to a state of victimhood.
So what do you do? How do you deal with anger?
First we must recognise that anger is absolutely necessary and healthy.
There are very valuable benefits to getting feisty and venting your anger including:
Alleviates physical and emotional tension
Instant feel-good hit as you are relieved of negative emotion
Verbalising your anger allows you to soundboard and gain insight
Gives clarity to your thoughts
Constructive anger can motivate you
Restore balance to your equilibrium allowing you to regain control
There is potential to turn anger into positive energy; anger can be a great motivator.
When you are angry about a particular person or situation you are able to recognise how emotionally invested you are – you care! This is important to you - so don’t let it go. Take action and look for a positive outcome.
Learning to deal with anger leads to better personal development and emotional growth. With deliberate action you can transform your anger into a constructive thought process – problem solving!
If we notice when we get angry and why, then we can learn how to improve our response mechanism. The biggest point here is recognition and commitment to take action. It is beyond tempting to bottle up, ignore or deny our emotions. There is absolutely no positive outcome from taking this path.
Respect your emotional response. Anger is just one of the myriad of emotions that we have every day. It is worthy of your time and energy.
The Anger Process.
Vent about the issue – This could be writing it down or verbalising to a trustworthy recipient.
Identify the true primary issue – Be clear on your gripe and the real reason you are affected so deeply.
Develop remedy or action plan - Venting without action or decision is pointless. (chronic venting and anger about the same topic can be an indication that professional help is needed)
Don’t be a complainer.
Be careful in venting to the person you are angry at. Be calm thoughtful (take time to think before you speak).
Delay your reaction – don’t overreact.
Separate from the source of your anger – give yourself space to process before taking action.
Find an incompatible response to calm – breathe & relax to nullify the physical responses to being angry.
Don’t be a victim.
Create a Vent Space to think – Quiet, no distractions, where you won’t be interrupted. This is a non-verbal vent either on paper or a thoughtful processing.
Hold onto your negative emotions until you have an appropriate space and time to release them.
Always be respectful – be proud of your response.
Don’t be afraid of anger.
When you learn to constructively process negative emotions it opens the doors to better relationships, increased self-confidence and an emotionally balanced way of living.
So be angry
Vent your arse off
And get happy!
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